*TRIGGER WARNING: This section contains experiences with sexual violence that may be triggering to survivors and others.
When I was a PhD student at UO, I was raped by a fellow PhD student in another department. At the time, and for months afterwards, he claimed his persistent physical and emotional abuse (which included but certainly wasn’t limited to the rape) was “just part of our dynamic,” and took great offense when I eventually worked up the courage to confront him with what he’d done. “I admit that I sexually assaulted you,” he told me once. “But I don’t like being called a rapist.” I was so taken aback that I couldn’t think of anything to say; years later, I am still searching for the words.